Incredibly Offensive Jokes
Just... don't read these, okay? If you do read them, don't fucking complain.
What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? Rolaids.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You can't take a joke.
What's black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None... he fell.
What's the best part of sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Phelps can finish a race.
I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!" "Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?" "See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."
A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.
When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have frenzied and unrepentant sex with each other.
However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he was taking off his pants, "before you take them off....is it true what they say about black guys?"
With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes and said "baby, of course." He then proceeded to stab her and ran out with her purse.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker.
A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, "Betsy. She's down the hall, last door on the left."
The guy walks down, sees Betsy -- she's not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in and it's the worst feeling he's ever had on his dick -- like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. "Um. something's wrong, can you do something about that?" Betsy crinkles her face, then says, "Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks." She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time.
The guy puts it back in and now, it's the complete opposite: it's the best feeling he's ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, "oh my god... that felt amazing... what did you do??" Betsy smiles, and says, "for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs."
What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose.
What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham.
What do Jewish pedophiles say? "Hey kid, want to buy some candy?"
What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."
I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me...
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.
So I was balls deep in this guy thrusting as hard as I could when I reached around to give him a hand job. Guess what? That fucker had an erection. What. A. Queer.
The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to fit in.
A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."
A guy called into work and says, "Hey, boss! What's the difference between work and your daughter?" ... "I'm not coming into work this morning!"
God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen.
What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A baby seal walked into a club...
I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.
What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You just KNOW she'll swallow.
I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady? Depends...
Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks today.
Little Johnny is staying at his grandmother's house for the weekend with his parents. He walks into their room in the middle of the night and wakes his mother. His mother says "What is it Johnny?". Little Johnny says "Grandma has a shrimpy"! His mother looks at him puzzled. "She has a WHAT?" Johnny says "A Shrimpy!" His mother has no idea what little Johnny is talking about. His mother says "Come show me what you're talking about". Little Johnny leads his mother downstairs where his 85 year old grandmother is lying sprawled out on the sofa in her night-gown. Her gown is wide open and so are her legs. She is sound asleep. Johnny says to his mother "Look mommy, Grandma has a shrimpy". He points to her vagina. His mother laughs. "No, no, Johnny, that's not a shrimpy. That's her vagina". Little Johnny looks up at his mother and says "Wow! Sure does taste like shrimpy".
What's the difference between jam and jelly? I don't jelly my cock down a bitches throat.
What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull meat out.
How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.
How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.
What's the difference between Sara Palin's mouth and her vagina? Retarded things only come out of her vagina SOME of the time.