Sori... Hassulla kielellä, kun joutui tämän ihan muuaalle kirjoittamaan... En jaksa kääntää.
Teh ¼ Pounder+ á la Taedium (for 4)
Accessories:
1 Axe (More if available.)
4 Backbags
1 Beach with fist-size rocks available, and maybe some twigs
1 Bowl for dough (with cover, cellphane is fine)
1 Cutting board
2 Dessert bowls (with covers, cellophane is fine)
3 Friends (Preferrably 1 who makes a salad, 1 who makes Schwäbische kartoffelsalad and 1 with a guitar)
1 Grill grate
A Huge pile of wood
1 Knife (kitchen)
1 Lighter
1 Ol' Oven tray
4 Plates
1 Spatula
4 spreads of a newspaper (A2 is fine size)
1 Sunny summer day
1 Soup bowl for lettuce
1 Teaspoon
1 Thingie for tomatoes (a fork, chopsticks, whatever)
Some oil
Ingredients:
Black pepper (powder)
Breadcrums
2 Crates of beer (3 recommended, we ran out. Preferrably 20x0.5l Weisse and 20x0.5l Pils)
2 Eggs
2-6 Gherkins (2 big ones or 6 small ones)
1tbls Honey
1 Lettuce
1tbls Mayo
500g Minced beef
1tbls Mustard
2 Onions
Papricapowder
2 Red chilies
4 slices of cheddar cheese (the bun size)
4 slices of gouda cheese (the bun size)
Some spices (we had 3 branches of some herb called "Maggikraut")
A Splash of soya sauce
2-3 Tomatoes
4 XXL size hamburger buns
Some ketchup
The recipes:
Hamburger sauce
The good ol' sauce... Chop 1 onion into small cubes, do the same with the gherkins. Mix together in the desert bowl. Add 1 table spoon of honey, mustart and mayo. Mix with tablespoon - be careful, just lift the mix up so it stays more solid - rapid stirring will make it somehow more liquid for some reason. I don't know why. I just noticed it happens. Why do you ask me? Do I look like a chef to you? Oh, you can put also some spices there. Yeah, slice the tomatoes too while you're at it.
The hamburgers
Put the meat into the dough bowl, chop one onion into small pieces and add in the bowl. Put some spices, like paprica powder and black pepper. Chop the chilies and the Maggikraut into small shreds, add in. (Other herbs too - we had some rosmarine and thyme. If fresh is not available, use what you got.) Normally one egg should be enough, but we wanted to make this extra solid, so I used one egg and one eggwhite. Eat the yolk if you feel like not wasting any food - or mix it in, depends how adventurous you are! Cholesterol overload, here I come! Mix a bit. (With your bare hands, go on - just put your hands in and let the squidgy dough run through your fingers - it won't hurt ya. It feels so gooood it can't be wrong.) While mixing, start adding the breadcrums. Stop when the dough feels like dough, not like minced beef any more. Voilá - dough's ready.
The method:
The prelude
Pack food in one backbag, wood in the 3 others. Put the oven tray and the grill grate on one of the beer crates, big bowls, the axe and such on another. Carry the crates by pairs, one crate per pair. Walk to the beach. Insert the beer crates (with extra items beside beer removed) in a nice, shadowy part of the water to keep 'em cool.
The fire
The cook can start to chop the wood. Some in one finger thickness, some in 2-3 finger thickness and some to slightly larger ones. Small ones are preferred, since you want a hot fire, but for the length of this you should also have bigger ones to burn longer time. One can go to collect some dry twigs and branches, and go help the other two. What were the two doing? Getting some fist-size and bigger (but flat) rocks and building a flat pile, approximately 20-30cm high. When it's quite flat you can put the oven tray on it. Add some fist-size rocks around the oven tray to leave a hole for the fire in the middle and small enough that it holds the grill grate. Approximately 10cm high rocks on the side.
When that's done, rest can go to swim or play some music or do the salad and potatosalad (not instructed here - as I didn't do them).
Take one of the spreads of the newspaper, hold it as if you would be reading it, landscape way, that is. Roll it into a not-so-tight way and connect the loose ends together. Repeat with the 3 others. Put some dry twigs on top of it, then the smallest wood bits. Light the 4 papers from the corners. It's been so dry that you don't really need to do any magic trix to make this burn. Make hot, burn long.
At this point do the hamburger sauce, then the dough. Or wait few hours if you will. Burn the fire. Go to swim, add wood. Drink beer. Add wood. Play some guitar and drink beer. Add wood. Drink beer. Swim a bit. Don't forget to drink some beer when you go to add some wood to the fire. When you have burned the fire for several hours and the dusk is settling in, let the fire go out and let the charcoal give out it's heat.
The cooking
Put the grill grate on. Divide the dough in four and make burgers slightly bigger than the buns. They will shrink a bit. Put some oil on the surface and place on the grill grate. Oil the other side too. You don't really need to add any more oil at this point. Let them cook and turn over when required. When you have turned them for the last time, add a slice of cheddar (or gouda - whichever - who cares, it's not quantum physics) on top of the burger to make it melt a bit. Put the buns on the rocks too, they will heat up, as the rocks are also really hot. And add the other slice of cheese on top of the bottom part of the bun.
The assembly
Put on the plate, in this order, starting from the bottom:
The bottom bun with the cheese
The burger
The tomato slices
The lettuce
The top of the bun
Add the sauces and the hamburger sauce where you feel like while assembling the burger. Trust your instincts. Strong the force in you is.
Eat without a shirt on, please note this is sloppy and messy food. Drink some beer, add some wood on the fire, make a small turn in the water to clean yourself, but don't swim too far after you've eaten. Play some guitar and drink the rest of the beer next to the fire.
