hells a funny place

just seen this on another site and thought you guys might find it funny. enjoy....

The following is a question given on a University of Washington
>Chemistry mid-term. The actual answer by one student was so 'profound'
>That the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is
>Why we can now enjoy it as well :
>
>Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
>(absorbs heat)?
>
>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
>(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
>Variant.
>
>One student however, wrote the following:
>
>________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. That
>Is the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
>They are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
>Gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
>
>
>
>As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
>Religions that exist in the world today.
>
>Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
>Religion, you will go to Hell.
>
>Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
>Belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
>Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
>Of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
>
>
>
>Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
>Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
>Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately
>As souls are added.
>
>
>
>This gives two possibilities:
>
>
>
>1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
>Enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
>Until all Hell breaks loose.
>
>2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
>Over.
>
>
>
>So which is it?
>
>If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
>Year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and
>Take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
>Two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
>Already frozen over.
>
>The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
>Follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
>Extinct ... Leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
>Divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my
>God'

thought id add this too. it says a lot about us brits...

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and
read on.
Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint
letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god- awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
John